Something that crops up.

So today we had my step dad nephew sort out our electric, and that was fine as this was planned yesterday, and at the time I had nothing else expected to do that I needed to go out for, but I can planned to do some blogging and other work on my computer.

But as I do plan my weeks ahead I set out what I will do each week. However after filling in a form for maternity leave, is see that the midwife had put the wrong address on my MatB1 so I had to change my plan and go out to the doctors to have this changed. Also my husband was due to come home just after 11am but because he had to cover for the other caretaker who was doing some errands for the school they work for, he only managed to come back for work for an hour.

 

So what do you do when something unexpected crops up and you have made other plans?

Well of course it depends what it is, but if it is maintenance on the house and you need a plumber to come out asap, then if your other plans are not so important then of course arrange for the plumber to come as soon as he can, and once he has been then do the other bits you’ve planned to do afterwards. Remember though that you are only one person so you can’t be expected to do 25 things at once, but write out your plan and workout what is most important so what must be completed on the day and what can be put aside for tomorrow or whenever you have another free slot in the week.

If for example you have a doctor’s appointment booked, which was booked a week or so ago and you need a plumber or electrician to come out, then remember that tradesmen, ie. Electrician, plumber, you are paying them to do the service so they have to work around what is best for you, so tell them that “I have another appointment at 3pm so I can’t be expected to stay in the whole day when can you come out to sort out my problems? I will need for you to come out before my other appointment then or after”. If you have an early doctor’s appointment, for example, then I would recommend to arrange for the servicemen to come after your doctor’s appointment in the morning.

 

Tell them that “My other appointment cannot be changed so you will need to come out when I can be at home for you to fix my problem” give yourself enough time to get back as if your appointment is say 9am and you have to get a bus to the doctors and then back, which can take half an hour, arrange for the servicemen to come out an hour and half or so afterwards. Don’t think you have to work around their clock.

 

What if you have an expected delivery is coming and now the company who has arranged the delivery for you rings to say that they not able to deliver on that date already arranged, but the other days the company suggests for delivery, you have arranged to meet with friends or you have planned a meeting with the bank manager for example and they cannot be put off?

Remember who has paid for that delivery, YOU and so the company will again have to work around you, don’t let them to take control and arrange it around themselves.

Most furniture companies will use independent delivery companies and so the deliveries will be schedule by the delivery company but not the company who has sold you the product. However if they have said “Ok, we can’t do Monday now as planned but we can reschedule for Tuesday” you check your diary and Tuesday morning is fine,  ask them what time can you expect the delivery, and they will have gap times, example 8am to 1pm. If that time is not good for you, ask when is the next slot the item can be delivered in, as usually the will have a morning delivery slot time and afternoon/evening slot. Choose what is best for you. If they say they are going to delivering between 8am to 1pm, which you have agreed on, and nothing arrives say by 12noon, get onto the delivery firm or company the items was bought from and chase the delivery then, don’t wait until 1pm or 2pm when you have an appointment at 3pm, as they can’t expect for you to be in all day and they should have delivered between the time they have agreed on.

Ask them (either the company who sold you the item or the delivery company) where the deliverymen are and how far are they, it could be that they are lost in which case you can then provide directions, or it could be that they are stuck in traffic but least then you know, and then you can decide on what to do, if you are not happy with waiting another hour tell them, it’s your right then they will have to arrange for another day of delivery which is best for you.

If they say they will be an hour late, and you wish to complain then do so, as most of the time you have to pay not just for the item itself but for the delivery too. Remember you are the paying customer so you don’t have to agree with anything. If the company has arranged for the delivery service to be delivered between 8am and 1pm then they should meet that promise.

Another tip when we expect a delivery we always ask for the company to pass our telephone numbers to the delivery service, to make sure they ring us at least 20 to 30 minutes before hand, just in case you do need to pop out and you know you can as they haven’t phoned you yet. Also if you work close to home, why loose a day’s pay or use up a day’s holiday when you don’t need too?

If they call you and hour or 30 minutes before and you work around the corner or 20 minutes away then you can pop home within that time to await delivery. Of course make sure you check with your employer or manager that it is ok for you to go home for the delivery and give your manager some days’ notice too in case they do need to have someone cover you just for that time, first before you just up and leave without word, unless you are the boss of course.

 

A friend has called has reminded you it is Susie’s party tomorrow for example which you have forgotten about and you have arranged a night in with the kids.

If you work, a mum, have errands to run and have pets to feed, then remembering events like a friend’s birthday can easily pass your mind. I am a nightmare when it comes to remembering birthdays and now we are all getting slightly older, we don’t tend to go out for our birthdays now.

However normally if someone is having a 40^th or a 30^th sometimes they would want to celebrate by having a party or meal, but it pass your mind even though you did write it into diary but with other appointments and kids birthdays, it just popped out of your head, that’s life.

I would say first of all as I know from experience, forget the guilt, take control and just let her know that you will try and make the her birthday but you not sure if you can get a baby sitter but you will do the best you can to make it. That way you aren’t really letting her down, but you are being honest because you won’t be able to go anywhere if you can’t have someone look after the children whom you trust, but you’ve said you will try and make it the best you can.

Explain to your children that mummy friends has a birthday party like their school friends and you may need to go if nanny or a friend (example) can spend an evening with you, and we can have our night in tomorrow. Be upfront, most children won’t bat an eyelid and you are treating them as people.

If you are not able to get a babysitter, you can’t be expected to work miracles and your friend will have to understand if you are not able to make it.

However looking at another scenario, if you have double booked yourself in the terms of planned to go out with someone from work and you forgot about your friend’s birthday party the same evening then you will have to think, whom is the most important to you? Can you arrange another night with your work friend and go to party? With work friends there is always another night, but with other friends who you don’t work with and whom you don’t see all the time, then make them the priority.

Never feel guilty as no one is able to cut themselves in half and if you are someone who has a lot of friends out of work and in then one side with have to give, and you will just need to re-arrange another time to see them.

 

What if a friend calls out of the blue to say they are in town and wondered if you wanted to meet them or is ok if they pop round, but you have already planned to spend the day with your mum?

A tough one, but the way around it is why not contact your mum and explain a friends whom you don’t see often is in town is ok if she joins us? Mum shouldn’t mind, as you are still spending time with her but you are seeing your friend too, then you’re not letting anyone down. Most mums like to meet their children’s friends no matter what age you are and will be happy that there is another women to talk to.

Let you friend know that you had plans to meet your mum today, and go shopping but I would really like for you to come, mum don’t mind at all, can you make it?

If she not able to make it as she may only have a couple hours to spare then at least you’ve asked her and find out how long she is in town for and if she is down for a few days which she has no other plans then see her another day; or if your friend says she is only town for today then say “Ok then let us know before hand when you are coming down again and I will make sure I am free, and we can meet up then” Or arrange to go to hers one day to meet.

Really I prefer it I was the friend coming to visit our would always let my friends know before hand, as people won’t be waiting around for you to turn up, so ask them to give you more notice next time.

There is always a way of working things out, as with all relationships friends, marriage and family it is about compromises and what works well for all of you.

If your friend tries to make you feel guilty and is disappointed and annoyed you are not able to meet, then she will have to be let down, and say that “I am disappointed too, but I didn’t know you were coming into town today, and you made plans mum some time ago as we don’t always spend time with each other a lot now, and so you are not willing to change those plans” She may feel hurt by this but if she is a friend then she will understand, as the world doesn’t revolve around one person she may have other friends and family and wouldn’t stop her plans for you, which you wouldn’t expect and I say that what works for one works for all.  

It is not just about receiving it about giving aswell.

So if something does crop up as things will, look at your plans I bet that there is at least one thing that can be changed to fit in that other task you need to do. Friends can always been seen it’s about compromising, being honest and it is not possible to see everyone at the same time.

Never panic and try not to worry, things always work out in the end.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X